I need to talk about last week, and I don’t know where to start because last week was awful, I feel guilty for even saying that because nothing serious happened. I am fine, my family and friends are all good, I actually had a rather nice week. Todhpurs sales were flying in, the weather was fantastic, my orthodontist was really impressed with how my teeth are moving, I had an away day with work, a morning off and a hen do to look forward to. Yet underneath all the fun that was taking place on the surface I was stressed, stressed beyond belief for someone that really doesn’t have a lot to be stressed about. But the thing about stress, about any mental health related blip, and I am not saying I am suffering from chronic stress at all but it doesn’t matter who you are or what is causing the stress, even if you are just little old me trying to build a career, a business, make a nice home and not lose all those near and dear to me in the process. It feels like shit, it is lonely, it is isolating, you feel like you are the only one that could be feeling this way and you feel like nothing is ever going to get easier, there is no light.
Last week I cried, I cried a lot. I was angry, I was sad and most of all I couldn’t see the end beyond the build up of jobs I had to get done that week. Even the enjoyable things such as my mum’s birthday breakfast was just another task I needed to tick off my list of things to do. I felt like I was just solely existing and not living and that is one of my biggest pet hates.
Once Sunday was out the way, I was all geared up for #freshstartMonday and when that arrived with its own shit storm I decided enough is enough I needed to step away. I know it’s not a possibility for many and it may seem selfish of me but I took a massive step back, I stepped back from my family and the typical drama that comes from family life, I took a step back from my to-do lists and if doing something didn’t make me happy I didn’t do it. I took Dougal for walks, I took Rooney for a canter, I ran until I couldn’t think of anything but running, I took long showers, made healthy dinners, drank tea and ate toast in bed and just focused on making myself happy and staying away from my phone and unnecessary conversations.
By doing this I found that I actually managed to tackle jobs I had been avoiding for a long time such as clearing my clothes from the spare room, decluttering the lounge, emailing people I had not been prioritising, I went to the gym, face masked, painted my nails and messaged friends I hadn’t spoken to in a while and actually thought about this old blog of mine.
Sometimes you need a break, everyone is so contactable these days, it has become so easy to have conversations for no real reasons, it can be overbearing and things can often be said that don’t need to be said. We live in such a social world that when you are an introvert and you enjoy your own company and your time on your own you can feel like you just never get it. So on weeks like these don’t feel bad for taking a step back, sideways or away from what is not making you happy because there is a good chance you are not making it/ them happy either and just let yourself chill out.
I am happy to report after this break and an amazing weekend with my girls celebrating at the wedding my mood has done a complete 360, I have woken this week with a spring in my step and motivation I haven’t had for a long time.