GOOD MORNING. As I write this I am feeling really rather happy, for no rhyme or reason. My anxiety this week has been a rollercoaster so I am trying to hold on to every feeling, enjoy the moments when I don’t feel anxious or worried and work through them when I do. The sun is shining, I have just had breakfast and after last weekend I have realised I have so much to be grateful for, without sounding all philosophical I just need to work with what I have got and keep going. The weather is good, I am enjoying my work and home life and I have a lot of incredible people around me.
This week has been a busy one, I spent the week house and dog sitting for my friend who owns one of the most beautiful homes down the road from me. Whilst it didn’t make a huge difference to my day it did take some adjusting to and sorting things out but I really enjoyed having some time to myself. I realised last week I am always with people. I live with my housemates, I work in a small team where we chat all day, my hobbies are all with people. So last week when my anxiety was at its peak I realised I had spent no time on my own which as an introvert, being on my own is when I feel most content, perhaps having this time to do everything at my pace has been the contributing factor to feeling better this week, I am not sure, I am still pining a lot of my problems on Mercury Retrograde like the true millennial I am.
I am a massive advocate for the power hour. As a natural earlier riser, I can see why so many people enjoy rising early to get things done. The time before 6 am-8 am to me is when I feel the most productive and ready to seize the day. It is the time of the day I am excited to go to the gym or walk Dougal, tidy up, make an effort with my appearance, it is the time of the day when I feel most motivated and grateful for everything. This week however because of house sitting and staying with my friends dogs until 8 am it has meant no house jobs at home could be done, it felt bit too much of a faff to go to the gym or to the horses before work to go back again (her house is in the opposite direction) so instead I enjoyed really slow mornings and it has been wonderful. Each morning I have risen at around 6:30 or earlier, sleepily made my way downstairs, let the dogs out, flicked the kettle on and enjoyed the small moments and sounds of morning, the whistling of the kettle steaming or the warming sound of hot water pouring onto a tea bag in my mug. I have then taken my book, my cup of tea, drawn back the curtains and read as the morning light basked their sunroom. It has been the perfect way to start the day. I knew it is not something I would continue when I got back home, even though I am going to try to make the effort once a week, there is always something to do. I really savoured every moment this week, happy to get out of bed when my alarm went off knowing what a great start to the day I was going to have.
I have not spoken much about my therapy before and I think it will be something I discuss in more detail in the future, I am not sure. Maybe in a video, a post or not at all. This week I read a really interesting article in the New York Times about the rise in Instagram therapists. What I found most interesting about this article was the access to therapy or help users of the platform were gaining. Many either in between therapist appointments who needed additional support networks or users who simply couldn’t afford therapy themselves, which from a social justice perspective I think is so important to recognise. I am thinking about sharing some of the tools therapy has given me to help process why I feel the way I feel, why I close down quickly and how I am learning to understand and cope with my anxiety so let me know if that would be helpful to anyone. I started seeing my new therapist about a month ago, I know we are only a few weeks in but honestly, she has changed so much for me already. My first experience with therapy wasn’t great, I didn’t like the therapist I was seeing and felt I gained nothing from the sessions. I resented going and as a result, my anxiety before the sessions spiralled so I ended our contract, which was tough, I didn’t want the therapist to think it was her fault, we just were not a good fit. I know to others she would be brilliant. The second time around I wrote a long list of what I wanted from therapy, researched the type of therapist I wanted to see and the type of treatment I wanted and went from there and it is great. So all I really wanted to say in this post is that firstly therapy is great, I can’t believe how much it has helped in a matter of weeks, also if you do go for therapy and don’t like who you are seeing, change. I felt guilty with the first therapist that I wasn’t giving her a chance but I knew just after a few sessions it wasn’t going to work so there was zero gain in dragging it out and if therapy is something you have been thinking about but don’t know where to start I am happy to answer any questions. I don’t know a lot but I can share my experience with you at least. Lastly, if you are reading this thinking I don’t think I need a therapist that is 100% where I would want you to be. Don’t believe the rise in mental health awareness means the natural feelings of nerves or sadness are something you need to see a therapist about. We are living creatures with emotions, we all harbour these feelings from time to time. It is only when they begin to interfere with your day to day life should you seek help. I don’t want everyone to begin to think they have got a mental health issue. And I only say this because I was listening to a podcast this week which listed one of the symptoms for ADHD which I had, so consequently, I then googled the rest, adamant the shy, quiet person I am was going to be diagnosed with ADHD. I absolutely did not, I have never seen a list so unlike it me, It ended at that one symptom.
Whole Truth Podcast
Sorry if the title was a little click-bait Esq, I don’t know what you were expecting but what I want to tell you about was actually about the Whole Truth Podcast. Whole is an organisation which runs to fight the stigma which surrounds mental health predominately in children and young adults. The podcast hosted by Rizzle Kicks frontman Jordan Stephens is a regular podcast where Jordon discusses all thrings mental health with a host of famous faces. I love this podcast mainly because it includes three of my favourite things, Mental Health, Men and Music. Jokes aside I think this podcast needs applauding for its honest and candid approach to discussing Mental Health, how we are actually feeling and for its ability to get so many men talking about their struggles, how they look after their Mental Health and for them to talk about it so openly. So I highly recommend you having a listen to this series here.
A Saturday with friends
On Saturday we headed out early doors to celebrate my friend’s birthday. Becky had organised one of the funniest days I have in a long day on canal boats. We collected the boats from Market Harborough and meandered slowly to Foxton locks. On Friday the rain was absolutely pouring here so I wasn’t optimistic about how well the day was going to go but thankfully we were lucky with only one big shower whilst we were in the pub for lunch the rest of the day the sun shone, Becky seems to have an art for this. The boats we booked can be hired from 9:30 – 17:00 which is enough time to get from Market Harborough to Foxton Locks, stop for some lunch and make your way back to the start. I haven’t laughed this much in so long, it always a wonderful reminder that I still have these amazing people in my life.
I attempted the first episode of this series about a year ago and I enjoyed it so I don’t know why I stopped. Whilst endlessly scrolling through different apps no series were keeping me interested until I found myself back on episode one of Derry Girls crying with laughter. Derry Girls came out at the beginning of 2018 and is now on their second series. The series follows Erin and her friends growing up as teenagers in Northern Ireland in the ’90s. I have so far found the episode’s side-splittingly funny. The girls are fantastic, it is the sort of series you need in the evening when you need to switch off and feel good. For anyone who hasn’t seen it, give it a go. No harm ever came from laughing too much.